Regrets
by fancyspinner
Summary: Ron, Draco Forbidden love. Character Deth


Title: Regrets: a story in Three Parts Authoress: Lady Bard Feed back and other comments: pairings: Ron/Draco, Harry/Ron Rating: PG13 Fandom: Harry Potter category: Angst, POV, romance, character Deaths Archive: (Please ask!)

Disclaimers: All things Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling, Raincost books, warnerbrothers, and other entities. In other words, not mine. I intend no copyright infringement nor monetary gain. There are some things in this story that are mine. If you'd like to use them, go ahead, just give credit.

Warnings: And I say again, characters will be dying.

spoilers: none

Note One : This is unbetaed.

Note Two Each story in this little series will have a corresponding song.

Regrets 1: Draco AN: If you could read this while listening to Kissing a Fool by George michaels you'll get a fuller impact. I wrote it with that song in mind.  
I always knew this day would come. Deep down, beneath the passion and the gitty joy, beyond even my moments of self awareness, it was clear that I would lose him and, that Harry Potter would win. I am a pathetic fool. I, a Malfoy, sit in a Muggle vehicle, with a pair of omnioculars to see Ronald Weasley pledge himself to Harry Potter. I have fallen so low.

I remember the first time we touched with out violence being a factor. Snape had partnered us for our NEWT-YEAR potions' project. The ordeal had gone on for months. I had got used to the Weasel at that point. It could even be said that I had begun questioning some of my upbringing.

It had been storming outside. The winds had howled and the thunder had rolled. The flashes of lightning had been right outside the window. The library was surprisingly empty. Seventh Years were given a lot of leeway when it came to study time and Weasley and I were making use of it.

I hated storms. It was a weakness I had been unable to defeat. My father's attempts to help had only made it worse.

"scared, Malfoy?" I opened my mouth to deliver a scathing retort when the tone reached me. There was none of the sarcasm I expected but a genuine concern. I found myself nodding in reply.

That is when he touched me. He put his arms around me. I do not know how long we sat there with the wind and rain and rolling thunder. He spent the time murmuring comforting words that I cannot remember but the night staid with me.

We fell into a pattern. During the day, we relentlessly annoyed and angered one another. At night, or during study time, we would sit close together and talk. One memorable conversation staid with me.

"Explain it to me, Draco!" He was leaning forward, a determined look on his face. It was the same look I had seen for years, every time he cursed me or attacked me.

"What do you need explained?"

"Why do you hate us so much?"

"Gryffindor House, mudbloods, you? What?"

"All of that. I just... I find it so hard to reconcile the you that's right next to me and the one that spews venom at me all the rest of the time."

"I don't know why. It's expected. I've been thinking though, expectations aren't very good reasons to hurt people. I guess with you, I'm jealous. You have this wonderful family. They love you no matter what you do. You could probably join the Death Eaters and they'd be furious but their love would not waver."

I watched a look of wonder and awe touch his features. "Blimy Draco,." He gave me the most amazing smile I have, to this day, ever seen. "I forget that most of the time. I think, no, I know that I take them for granted. I get so mad at you. you seem to have all this money and power and respect and you throw it away on petty crap."

I blinked in astonishment as shame ran through me. No one had ever made me feel that way before. That's when it hit me, when I realized that Weasel had become Ron. I had managed to skip thinking of him as Weasley altogether. There must have been something on my face or, in my eyes because the next thing I knew I was in his arms. It felt good and perfect. I could never betray him. He had become more real to me than anything else I had ever experienced in my life.

We sat there for hours. His hands petting me as though I were some wild thing that needed soothing. And who knows, perhaps I was.

The only time we kissed was right before the final battle with Voldemort. We had been out of school a few weeks. We were sitting in the dark and for one of the rare times I could remember, we were alone.

He held out his arms and I was in them. I don't remember moving into them.

"It'll be over soon, Draco."

"I know!" He is so much taller than me, that it was easy for me to lean my head against his shoulder.

"Draco." He touched my face, tilting it slightly. Our lips were millimeters apart. We were breathing the same air.

"Draco." My name spoken on a sigh was the most precious thing I had ever been gifted. Then his mouth was on mine and the world stopped mattering.

The shocked "Ron," was what broke us apart. To Granger and Potter, we weren't friends. I watched his face go as red as his hair.

The next day we were victorious. For most people, it was cause for celebration. For me, it was the beginning of a nightmare. My mentor, Severus Snape, had died as had Dumbledore. I wasn't sure who I was grieving for the most. I never thought I'd get to like the barmy old coot, but I had.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks faded into months, I realized I was in trouble. My father had also perished though it did not pain me at all. The fact that my surname kept me from finding a job did. No one wanted to have the son of a prominent Death Eater working for them.

Ron, my precious Ron, was avoiding me like the plague. Why became obvious weeks later when the invitation came in with the morning post. It was cordially inviting me to the wedding of Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter. The inclosed note begged me to understand. He wasn't strong enough to refuse but his heart was mine. I wanted to hate him. My world stopped. It hasn't managed to restart in the ensuing weeks.

I cannot enter the Weasley home and yet I cannot leave. The door opens and my Ron stands there but he is not my Ron and has never been so. Our eyes meet and I drive away.

Regrets 2: Harry

Note: If you could read this while listening to Careless Whispers by George michaels you'll get a fuller impact. I wrote it with that song in mind.

I should be happy. This should be the most amazing day of my life. I defeated Voldemort, my godfather is free and I'm marrying Ron. I look up at my intended and he wares the same far off look he's worn in the last couple of months.

The war was over. The wizarding world had been celebrating for weeks except for Ron. I have loved him from a far for as long as I can remember.

After the kiss Hermione and I had walked in on, I decided to make my move. I cornered him and told him of my feelings. He'd looked at me as though I'd lost my mind. I didn't give up. I followed him around, gave him gifts and courted him as best I could. I finally proposed and he said yes. If there was no joy in his eyes, well, I vowed to make him happy.

Looking at him, I wonder what I have done. I was aware that Mollie, Arthur and the rest of the family had been pressuring him to accept. After all, I had asked them to help me. The twins especially felt indebted to me because of my help with their joke shop.

Arthur is smiling at us as he walks up to us and begins to speak.

The speech about joining two hearts and souls to make them one is nothing but noise.

"Hold out your hands." We do. Arthur begins to wrap the binding cord around our hands when Ron pulls away.

"I won't do this." My eyes widen as he turns to me. "I'm sorry Harry. I love you but I'm not in love with you."

I must have gone mad for a second because the next thing I know Ron's laying on the ground and I'm yelling into his face. The irony that it used to be him who would rant about the evil of the Malfoys, is not lost on me.

"You can't be in love with that git. He's a Malfoy." I kick him once as I walk away.

I watch him stand and straighten his robe. He mutters a spell and all traces of my abuse is gone. His family turns away from him and I feel petty enough to enjoy that. Ron, who always wanted to be better than me, would now be less than nothing. I would make sure of it. If he wanted to spend his time with a Malfoy I would insure that he be treated as one.

He walks towards Hermione but she also turns her back. I see the heartbreak in his eyes. Not only that his family would turn him away because of his heart's choice but that everyone was systematically shunning him.

"I'll have to tell Draco he was wrong. My family is obviously just as cruel as his father. To think he has always envied me for being related to you all." And with those words, he is gone. I notice that he looks more dignified, in that moment, than I ever could.

I feel the first stirrings of guilt and know that I will never be able to truly hurt him. We have been through too much together. I'll find him in the morning. Tonight, I Have a lot of thinking to do. I have just realized the extent of the power I hold in the wizarding world. It is a power strong enough to destroy the most tight nit family it has ever been my pleasure to know.

part 3

Ron

If you could read this while listening to Different Corner0George michaels you'll get a fuller impact. I wrote it with that song in mind.

I am reeling from what has just happened. I stand in the door to my home and see him drive off in a muggle machine. I've been such a bloody fool. I wanted so much to be accepted that I pushed away the one good thing in my life.

I decide to follow him but I'm not sure what to do. I see Dean Thomas' muggle machine and I hop in. It is easy enough to make it work through magic. I don't think he notices me.

I feel ill. People that I loved that I trusted have thrown me out of their lives because I refuse to Marry the great Harry Potter.

I remember a time when I thought that I loved him. If things had been different, I'm sure that I could have happily spent the rest of my life with him. They didn't turn out different though, and now I'm lost.

I was aware of the problems Draco was having. I had been doing my best to smooth it over. I had just completed a book begun in seventh year. I began writing it at Draco's prompting. It told the story of the war from my perspective. I hoped that once it was published the wizarding world would see the good Draco had done.

I found myself swerving off the road. I knew that was a bad thing and took a second to perform a pepper-up charm . One of the gifts Draco had provided our side. It kept us going on the endless nights when we were coming up with strategy after strategy. He never received credit but didn't seemed to mind.

The many sleepless nights spent completing the book were catching up to me. I comforted myself that soon I would sleep and Draco would be in my arms.

I realize that I have lost Draco and use a tracking charm. It isn't any tracking charm though, it is one we came up with together. It only works for the two of us.

I find myself in front of a shabby building and go inside. I follow the prompting of the charm and am lead to a dingy door. I knock several times with no answer. A softly spoken, "Alohomora," fixes that.

I walk in and I see him. He's sprawled out on a bed barely big enough to hold him. I take two long strides and am next to him. My fingers stroke his soft hair.

"Draco. Draco love." The eyes flicker open and I notice their not focusing right. There's no way the sleep was natural. I hadn't lost him long enough for that to be the case. Then I see it, a smallish potion bottle.

"Draco," my voice takes on a sharp commanding tone that anyone who had served with me in the war would recognize.

He smiles softly at me. "Ron, you're not at your wedding?" His voice is barely a whisper and I notice that his breathing is drastically slowing down.

"No, I couldn't go through with it."

"I'm sorry. I can't do it any more. I'm so sorry." I take him in my arms and hold him close to me.

Oh merlin! Draco, what did you take? Draco! Draco, don't leave me."

"love you."

I reach for the bottle before I'm aware and down the remainder of the liquid. It's as disgusting as any potion I've ever drank.

I see the expensive parchment then and reach for it. As I write, I feel my body becoming sluggish. That was just fine. Draco and I hadn't been together in life but we would be in death.

I find myself thinking that it must have been the last bit. I want to read it but I haven't the energy. This works so fast. I feel relief. I'm sure the only expectations Draco and I will have to meet from now on are the ones we set for ourselves. With the last of my strength I place the parchment on the table and wrap myself around Draco and close my eyes.

End.

begun August 10 2003 completed August 15, 2003 copyright: Lady Bard

I might write an epilog of sorts what do you all think? I'm wondering how the others will react. Didn't know I could be so evil. 


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